Performance Anxiety

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=200 BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <div> <IMG SRC="151b0910.jpg" border=0 width="176" height="145" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </td> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=94 BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <div> <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#BF0000" FACE="Garamond" ><B>Goddess Touch</B><B>     |    </B></FONT><B> </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Goddess Touch"><U><B>home</B></U></A><B>    </B></div> <div> <A HREF="q_1.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Womans Cycles and Pregnancy"><U><B>Woman's Cycles and Pregnancy</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_2.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Female Orgasm"><U><B>Female Orgasm</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_3.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="After Sex Feeling"><U><B>After Sex Feeling</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_4.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Male Sex Drive"><U><B>Male Sex Drive</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_5.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lust and Love"><U><B>Lust and Love</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_6.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Peyronis Disease"><U><B>Peyroni's Disease</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><B>Performance Anxiety</B><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_8.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Sexual Abuse"><U><B>Sexual Abuse</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_9.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Ejaculatory Control"><U><B>Ejaculatory Control</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_10.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Stopped Making Love"><U><B>Stopped Making Love</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_11.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Kundalini Awakening"><U><B>Kundalini Awakening</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_12.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Effects of Vasectomy"><U><B>Effects of Vasectomy</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_13.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Pranic Energy"><U><B>Pranic Energy</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="fds_quiz.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Female Sexual Dysfunction Quiz"><U><B>Female Sexual Dysfunction Quiz</B></U></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=386 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#BF0000" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <div> <B>Performance Anxiety</B></div> <div> <B>"Unfortunately for me my problem is 2 fold. I hope I don't bore you. About 2 years ago I went thru a divorce that I didn't want. The reason for</B><B> </B><B>the divorce was my wife said she rarely had orgasms. She said I knew how to give her one but I didn't. I think I wasn't lasting long enough.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Since the divorce, I have had 2 girlfriends that I felt I could satisfy. However, I have it in my head that I may not please them. Often times I get nervous or hung up on the fact that I won't please them. The thought of not pleasing my partner or lasting long enough during actual intercourse makes me nervous and is a problem in and of itself. Focusing on the thought then results in losing my erection. (I have no problem getting or maintaining an erection if I know I am just going to be stimulated with her hand or orally.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Could you give me some advice?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Thanks,</B><B> </B></div> <div> <B>Sam"</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <I><B>Shanti's Response:</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <B>Since you've figured out that the problem seems mostly mental (verses physical), it will be easier for you to overcome (once you fully accept that your erectile dysfunction is mental).</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The major obstacle is that you accepted your ex-wife's accusation and fell into a belief that you were somehow totally responsible for her sexual satisfaction. You then made up an excuse to fit the belief (not lasting long enough). Couples do not divorce because one partner does not bring the other to sexual completion. Remember that in marital union, you are only 50% of the equation. Partners divorce because of incompatible (or irreconcilable) values or beliefs, or because one or both partners have given up on their commitment for various other reasons. It is not because of </B><I>bad</I><B> sex...sexual dysfunction is usually a </B><B>symptom</B><B> - </B><I>NOT</I><B> a </B><B>cause</B><B>. Sexual harmony can be heightened through coaching and practice, IF both partners are willing to commit to the learning process.</B></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>"Good" sex can make a strong marriage better; "bad" sex does not cause a breakup of a strong or healthy union.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <B>I would suggest that you change your belief system about your sexual performance and </B><B>begin viewing your sexual relationships as a shared experience.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Develop knowledge and mastery over your sexual organs.</B><B> Skill development to gain sexual mastery is a very doable thing for most, so long as no severe medical or psychological impairments are present;</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One thing that you can do immediately to help build your staying power is to practice the Taoist techniques of semen retention. The simple steps to mastery are outlined here: </B><A HREF="mastery.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lingam Mastery"><U><B>Lingam Mastery</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Learn to stay totally present and in the moment. </B></I><B>This takes practice. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Awareness Exercise</B></div> <div> <B>As you are making love (or doing whatever), learn to </B><B>DETACH</B><B> from your thoughts....do not suppress them, but don't feed them energy by paying attention to them. Rather, focus on your breath and on sensation....focus on touch, sound, and smell. Feel how really good it feels when you are in a Yoni that is hot and wet....touch your partner's skin, hair; smell her scent. Immerse yourself in the heat of her body. Or practice staying present by using your visual sense....focus on an object, an apple, orange, a flower...notice everything about it, its shape, color, form, etc. Smell it. Taste it. Stay with WHAT IS.</B></div> <div> <B>Staying present will make you more sensitive to your lover. You will notice when her mood changes, or when her body shifts ... and you will respond. You will come to fully appreciate taste, sound, touch, sight and other sensation by staying in the moment. Staying aware will also assist you in gaining mastery over your lingam so that when your energy becomes too heated, you will know when to cool down. Finally, by heightening awareness and staying in the moment, you will learn to become more alive and thus, consciousness will grow. Staying present is a major prerequisite to change and spiritual growth.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>