Sexual Abuse

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=200 BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <div> <IMG SRC="152abac0.png" border=0 width="171" height="172" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </td> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=94 BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <div> <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#BF0000" FACE="Garamond" ><B>Goddess Touch</B><B>     |    </B></FONT><B> </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Goddess Touch"><U><B>home</B></U></A><B>    </B></div> <div> <A HREF="q_1.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Womans Cycles and Pregnancy"><U><B>Woman's Cycles and Pregnancy</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_2.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Female Orgasm"><U><B>Female Orgasm</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_3.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="After Sex Feeling"><U><B>After Sex Feeling</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_4.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Male Sex Drive"><U><B>Male Sex Drive</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_5.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lust and Love"><U><B>Lust and Love</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_6.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Peyronis Disease"><U><B>Peyroni's Disease</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_7.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Performance Anxiety"><U><B>Performance Anxiety</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><B>Sexual Abuse</B><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_9.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Ejaculatory Control"><U><B>Ejaculatory Control</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_10.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Stopped Making Love"><U><B>Stopped Making Love</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_11.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Kundalini Awakening"><U><B>Kundalini Awakening</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_12.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Effects of Vasectomy"><U><B>Effects of Vasectomy</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="q_13.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Pranic Energy"><U><B>Pranic Energy</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="fds_quiz.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Female Sexual Dysfunction Quiz"><U><B>Female Sexual Dysfunction Quiz</B></U></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=386 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#BF0000" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <div> <B>Sexual Abuse</B></div> <div> <B>"My wife and I have been married for 22 years. We have a wonderful life together, have great jobs and are each other's best friends. Our only area of concern is sex. My wife was sexually abused as a child and has had difficulty throughout our relationship maintaining interest when we make love. She participates in sex because of her love for me but I can tell that it is difficult for her and it bothers me to see her struggle. She has seen several therapists for the sexual abuse and we both went to marriage counseling for this issue. These things were helpful but the problem still persists. I want to find a way to help her enjoy sex again. Any suggestions that you can give me would be appreciated. Thank you, Dave."</B></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Shanti's Response:</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <B>Dear Dave,</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Sexual abuse is one of the most traumatic experiences that a human being can endure. Sexual abuse at any age reeks emotional, spiritual, mental and physical havoc that often takes years of therapy and personal work to offset. Abuse of young children is particularly devastating. Research has shown that in general, the younger the age of the victim, the more severe and deep-rooted the behavioral and psychological problems that result. I have outlined some of the more frequently occurring symptoms or disorders found in trauma survivors. Keep in mind that this list is not all-inclusive; nor do these symptoms characterize all cases of abuse. Also, it should be noted that sexual abuse can not be diagnosed from these signs alone:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"Flashbacks" or reoccurring thoughts and dreams of the traumatic event often characterize</B><I><B> Post Traumatic Stress Disorder</B></I><B>. The distress and reaction to the flashback, thought or dream can produce severe emotional and physiological distress. If a woman was raped or molested as a child, lovemaking can become a particularly painful experience if she is plagued with the constant memory of rape or violence. </B></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Desensitization and Dissociation </B></I><B>are two defense mechanisms that are very common in trauma survivors. Most women who have survived trauma and abuse have learned to "tune out", or </B><I>desensitize </I><B>from, the body's somatic responses. This reaction serves to protect the body by reducing the amount of pain or sensation experienced during rape or molestation. Some survivors report feeling numbness or dull sensations when describing response to touch or pressure on the body of any kind. With </B><I>dissociation</I><B>, the consciousness or awareness of the victim leaves the body during abuse as a means to protect the psyche. Many trauma survivors recall seeing themselves hovering above their bodies during acts of abuse.</B></div> <div> <B>Some survivors, who were victimized from a very young age, suffer from </B><I><B>repressed memory syndrome</B></I><B>. Often the memory becomes buried or sublimated and the victim has fleeting or faint memory of something being "wrong". The survivor may experience an associative pain in muscle tissue or joints, chronic headaches or nausea, without a sense of the primary source or cause.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Behavior characterized by "</B><I><B>fight or flight" responses </B></I><B>is also typical for many survivors. These behaviors were developed to accommodate the feelings of pain and fear that seem ever-present for many sexual abuse survivors.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One of the things that you can do for yourself is to continue to </B><B>educate</B><B> yourself about sexual abuse. When a woman has a compassionate and knowledgeable partner, she will feel supported in her road to recovery. </B><B>Sharing new insights and leanings</B><B> can be a healing experience for both of you. Continued </B><B>therapy, as a couple, </B><B>will also support your relationship. A therapist who specializes in trauma will be able to better guide and tract your growth and healing process. Before you select a therapist, find out what his or her background and training entails relevant to trauma, sex and intimacy. </B><B>Massage and bodywork </B><B>is particularly important for trauma survivors. As mentioned before, many people store the memory of the abuse in the body. Both mind and body must be treated in order for the reunification of body and mind to take place. Both partners can learn basic massage techniques that will assist in strengthening the bond of intimacy and aiding the healing process. The primary goal of this type of massage is to heal the body/mind and not necessarily a means to incite sexual arousal.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Until change is recognized, </B><B>enter into lovemaking with much care and planning</B><B>. </B><B>Communicate</B><B> how each of you can be more responsive if a block or flashback occurs. Have </B><B>practice sessions</B><B> to rehearse your agreed upon coping methods</B><B> </B><B>and to assist with alleviating feelings of shame or clumsiness. During lovemaking, </B><B>pay attention </B><B>to your bodily reactions, thoughts and memories. </B><B>Do not repress or judge</B><B>. Rather </B><B>share</B><B> what is happening for you in the moments that you are intimate. In this process of "witnessing" for each other, you will become mirrors and learn much about your conscious and unconscious sexual behaviors. Learn to </B><B>practice staying present </B><B>by taking time to listen to your body's wisdom. </B><B>Massage of the body</B><B> in an area that seems less sensitive prior to, during, and after lovemaking is an excellent method for aiding the process of staying present. If something feels particularly pleasant or unpleasant, take note of it and mention it to the other partner.</B><B> </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If your beloved loses her interest or level of arousal, </B><B>empower </B><B>her to decide rather to discontinue or continue the love act. If she chooses to discontinue, simply hold her lovingly and </B><B>allow her to rest </B><B>in the safety of your arms. </B><B>Creating space to foster safety and trust </B><B>helps to heal her vulnerable child within. You can also choose to replace the physical interactions with other forms of sensual pleasure such as feeding her fruit, bathing her, playing soft music, or enjoying the silence of the moment. If she chooses to continue, either </B><B>ask her to show you what to do to help her regain arousal or utilize one of the techniques you have already discussed</B><B>. This practice not only affords opportunity for you to learn from her what is pleasing, it will strengthen her ability to be proactive in her recovery process and in establishing boundaries for her participation in the sex act. Respect her preferences. Above all, be patient. When we place the value of the entirety of our intimate experience above a particular end, we enrich our relationship immensely.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>WHERE TO GET HELP</B><B> </B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://4therapy.com" TARGET="_blank" TITLE="http://4therapy.com"><U><B>4therapy.com</B></U></A><A HREF="http://4therapy.com" TARGET="_blank" TITLE="http://4therapy.com"><U><B> </B></U></A><B> and </B><A HREF="http://cms.psychologytoday.com/pto/home.php" TARGET="_blank" TITLE="http://cms.psychologytoday.com/pto/home."><U><B>psychologytoday.com</B></U></A></div> <div> <B>Sometimes you need to talk to someone, someone who can help... </B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://www.holisticmed.com/www/bodywork.html" TARGET="_blank" TITLE="http://www.holisticmed.com/www/bodywork."><U><I><B>Body Work and Movement Healing Internet Resources</B></I></U></A><A HREF="http://www.holisticmed.com/www/bodywork.html" TARGET="_blank" TITLE="http://www.holisticmed.com/www/bodywork."><U> </U></A></div> <div> <B>Extensive Information & Meta-Directories</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>